Simple Bedtime Routine for All Ages
Children thrive on consistency and predictability, and bedtime is no exception. Establishing healthy bedtime routines in childhood helps your child succeed throughout their whole lives. If you don’t have a bedtime routine established yet, it is never too late to get one started. All children benefit from routines and schedules, even if you are starting from behind.
Some of us, as adults, suffer from insomnia and difficulty sleeping, often as a result of little or no consistency with our sleep schedules in childhood. Setting a predictable and consistent routine in your child’s life while they are young will set the foundation for them to have a predictable and stable schedule when they are adults.
Simple Routine
A simple routine that you can start with any age is
Dinner → Bath → PJs → Potty & Brush Teeth → Books → Sleep
This routine can be started with a newborn and can last throughout their entire childhood. As your child grows, you can alter the specific aspects of each part of the routine, but the routine should stay consistent. For example, with a newborn, you would skip the teeth brushing part, and add nursing or a bottle after reading books. For an older child they might take a shower instead of a bath, and you might add a quiet activity in between dinner and bath.
The beauty of creating a simple routine like this is that it allows for flexibility and adaptation. As long as you remain consistent most nights, your child will be able to adapt. The order in which you do things should remain the same most nights, and the time should be fairly consistent (within 15-20 minutes each night). Little changes here and there are expected, and it is healthy for things to vary once in a while.
However you decide to design your child’s bedtime routine, try to keep it the same each night as much as possible. Keep in mind that being consistent does not mean that your bedtime routine is inflexible and rigid. It means that you follow the routine most nights. You don’t need to do a bath every single night. There are going to be days where you just don’t want to do the bath, or times when you have a late dinner and your child is too tired to read books.
Sleep Regression
As your child is growing, especially from newborn to 2 years old, there will be moments and periods of time where it feels like bedtime is a struggle. This is a normal part of development, and it usually happens around the time your baby is experiencing a developmental leap. The **Wonder Weeks** is a great resource to help navigate the growth spurts so you know what to expect and get validation when things get hard.
If you feel like nothing is working and your child just isn’t sleeping, it is more important than ever to stick to the schedule you’ve been trying to establish. Your consistency and stability will help your child get through the growth spurts, and once the growth spurt runs its course, bedtime will be easy again. Get extra support during growth spurts so you are better able to handle the rough nights.
Even older children might struggle with sleep regression. When big things happen in their lives, such as starting school or upcoming events, they might have a hard time sleeping. This can feel frustrating, especially if you have already established a routine for a few years. During moments where your child is struggling to fall asleep, refer to the 4 Steps so you can identify what is causing them to have a hard time sleeping so you can help them navigate the situation.
Make Room for Choices
Be sure to include the opportunity for your child to have choices during the routine so they feel empowered, instead of trapped in a routine. Children are more likely to cooperate if they have choices and a voice in the situation. When someone is forced to comply without any freedom, it makes it hard for them to be willing to cooperate and can lead to power struggles and defiance. Bedtime is not negotiable, your child must go to sleep. However, they have the power to choose their PJs, which book to read, what toothbrush to use, which bath toys they want, or what plushie they want to have in bed.
If your child is resisting the bedtime routine, simply tell them what the next step and ask them what their choice will be. For example, if your child is running around refusing to put on their PJs, calmly go over to them and say something like:
“It is time to put on your PJs. Do you want to wear your stripey ones or the ones with happy faces? You can choose, or I will choose for you”
Or if your toddler is running around refusing to put on their diaper after the bath, you could say:
“It’s time to put your diaper on. Do you want to put your diaper on in bed or on the floor?”
This lets them know that putting on the PJs or diaper is not a choice, but they can decide how they want to get it done. No need to resort to punishments or rewards if they don’t comply. Instead refer to the 4 Steps if you are struggling getting your child to ***cooperate or listen***.
Troubleshooting
Even as you establish your schedule, there will be times when things don’t work as planned and you will need to make adjustments. This is normal, and things will change as your child grows. Follow their lead, and adapt the schedule to work for all members of the family, instead of forcing everyone to adapt to a rigid schedule.
If you have a child who struggles with anxiety or gets easily distracted, a ***visual schedule*** might be helpful. This is where you take pictures of your child doing each part of the routine, then put them in order on a poster board. Place the posterboard in an accessible area so your child can refer to the schedule when they get lost so they know what is coming next. Children are visual learners, so if they see themselves succeeding at a task, they are more likely to choose to cooperate.
If your child has a hard time once it is time to fall asleep, or tries to ***get out of bed***, use the **4 Steps for Emotional Regulation** to help them through their struggle.
If your routine changes, explain to your child what is happening and why so they are better equipped to handle those changes. No one likes being left in the dark about what is happening, it creates confusion and anxiety in children if things change without explanation. Be clear and patient when making ***transitions** so your child can learn how to be flexible.
“We are going to skip your bath tonight because dinner was really late and I can tell you are too tired to take a bath. Once we go upstairs, it will be time to put on your PJs and brush teeth, then we will read books and go to bed”
Make Your Routine Work For You
As you are creating routines for your child, especially if you are starting scratch, use set points throughout the day to anchor your schedule. Mealtimes and sleep times are set points throughout the day that can provide stability to the family schedule. If you start your evening/bedtime routine with dinner, then everyone knows what is going to happen once they are finished eating. Shifting to a wider perspective, instead of just focusing on the 30 minutes before your child lays down for bed will help decrease the common behavior issues that occur between dinner and bedtime. This gives your child plenty of time to start winding down, and they know what is going to happen as soon as dinner is over each night.
Keep your routine simple so you can make it last. Once your routine is established, you will feel a sense of safety and peace within your routine. This will not only help your child, but it will help you, especially if you suffer from mental health issues like anxiety or depression. It takes about 3 months of consistency for the routine to feel natural and stable. If you feel like you are pushing through molasses with your routine, that is likely a signal that something isn’t working. Take a step back, and figure out what isn’t working so you can make a routine that works for you and empowers you and your family.
