How to Trim a Toddler's Nails While They are Awake
Many parents choose to trim their child’s nails at night or during a nap, however if you have a light sleeper that is not an option. A lot of children don’t like to sit still, or might be afraid of the process and hide their hands as soon as the nail clippers come out. So what can you do to get them to cooperate so you can trim their nails while they are awake?
Nail Trimming Can Be Scary for a Toddler
Sometimes, trimming a child’s nails can be a scary experience for the child, especially if you ever accidentally slipped and cut their fingertip. Fingers and toes are really sensitive, and the sensation of getting their nails trimmed can be really uncomfortable for a toddler. If your child is feeling scared of getting their nails trimmed, they will be resistant to cooperating because they are just trying to keep their fingers safe; they don’t want to get hurt. They don’t like the way it feels, and they don’t understand what you are doing, or why it’s important.
Fear is our body’s way of telling us that there is a threat, but sometimes it goes overboard and leaves us feeling confused. Toddlers have a choice on how they handle their fear, but they just need some guidance. With a little patience, understanding, and noticing you can make the experience safe and successful for both of you. The first step is to figure out what is causing them to be resistant or afraid of getting their nails trimmed. Once you understand what they are feeling, you can help them learn how to handle it.
Help Your Child Through their Fear
Before we talk about solutions, it’s important to understand where the child is coming from. Each child is different and you can’t effectively help someone if you don’t know what the issue is. If the nail trimming experience has been negative for you and your child, it will take some healing for both of you. Rebuilding trust in each other, and finding safety in each other through difficult moments is important to maintaining a healthy relationship.
If your child is running, hiding, fighting back, or screaming, then they will not be able to cooperate because they are in their survival state. They will do whatever is necessary to keep their fingers safe from the clippers. If this is happening, put the scissors away. At that moment, nail trimming is not important, their sense of safety is. They can handle an extra day with long nails, and you can try again after rethinking your strategy. There are 4 Simple Steps that will guide you through the whole process so you can be successful, continue reading this post for more.
If you keep forcing the situation when your child is fearful, it could turn from a child saying no and shaking their head, into the child being held down and screaming. That can be traumatic for a child and will make future nail trimming situations very difficult without re-traumatizing them.
Read more about **brain states*** so you can understand what is happening in their brain based on their behaviors. Understanding brain states is really important to de-escalate any conflict or handle all types of misbehavior in a healthy and empowering way.
Shift the Focus
You can’t force a toddler to do something they don’t want to do without causing conflict and upset. However, toddlers love learning, experimenting, and trying things for themselves. That means nail trimming is the perfect opportunity to teach them a new skill. In order to do that, you must approach the situation differently. If you can change your intention, your child will be more willing to cooperate.
Instead of trying to get your child’s nails trimmed, shift the goal to teaching your child how to take care of their nails so they can be safe and healthy.
Even toddlers can start learning the foundations for self care. They won’t be cutting their nails obviously that isn’t safe for a toddler, but they will be watching how you do it, listening to you explain what you are doing and why, which helps them understand the process. This sets the foundation for self care as they grow older.
Introducing self care concepts, such as nail trimming, in a loving and healthy manner helps them be more willing to want to keep their nails healthy. In the long run, this could help prevent nail biting and nail neglect, which could lead to infections and fungal issues if left untreated as an adult.
How to Use the 4 Steps
So now that you’ve shifted your focus, how does this situation play out? These simple ***4 steps*** will guide you through the whole process. If your child is scared, you must be their rock so they can feel safe. If you start to feel stressed, take some deep breaths. You can handle this.
Identify
First, just identify what the child is feeling. Are they scared, nervous, or anxious? Ask them what they are feeling and help them name their emotion. Once something has a name, it is a lot easier to deal with. Simply say:
“I noticed that you are hiding your hands from the nail clippers, are you feeling scared?”
Your child will confirm their feeling with a yes or a head nod, and it might take a few guesses. Sometimes they will tell you their feeling if you get it wrong. Once you name their emotion you will notice a subtle shift in their energy and body language. It might feel a bit more relaxed and less tension in the air. If you’ve read about the ***Color Spectrum of Emotions***, this shift in energy is a signal that they went from red to yellow.
Validate
If your child is afraid, it is important to acknowledge their fear and let them know that it is ok to feel afraid. The goal of this step is to clearly explain why your child is feeling their emotion, so they understand what is happening. This step will prepare them to go into green.
To validate their emotion, you could say:
“You are feeling afraid of the nail scissors. They look a little sharp and scary. You don’t want your fingers to get hurt, and you want to keep them safe so you’re hiding your hands”
Breathe
Once you’ve identified and validated their emotions, you’ve proven to them that you are on their side and you understand where they are coming from. Now, they need to get oxygen to their brain so they can be firmly planted in green. Take a deep breath with them, hold their hands, and let them know they are safe and loved.
Remember if your intention has shifted to helping teach them a skill, not to just simply get the job done, then the words you say will match the intention. You could say something like:
“I love you and I care about you. I noticed that your fingernails are long and a little sharp, and I’m worried that they could accidentally cut your skin or someone else’s skin while you’re playing. I’m going to show you how these nail scissors work so we can trim your nails together. Take a deep breath, I know you’re feeling nervous. I’ll show you how they work on my nails first, then you can watch as I do one of your fingers. If you feel scared, tell me you are feeling scared and I’ll stop and give you a big hug and squeeze. I promise I’ll keep you safe while we trim your nails together”
If they know that they are safe, loved, and understood, they will get the message and be more willing to cooperate. Now, you can teach them how to trim their nails by demonstrating and practicing.
Problem Solve
Whatever tool you choose to use, make the experience a teaching moment. Talk to them while you are trimming their nails, go back and forth from demonstrating on your hand, to practicing on their hand. Touch their fingernail with your finger first so they know which one you are going to do next. While holding their hand, tell them “Look at this fingernail, it’s really long. Feel how long it is? Watch how we trim it off”.
Using the right tools is important. Nail scissors are safer than traditional nail clippers. You have more control and less chance of cutting their skin on accident. The tip is short which gives you control over where the blade goes.
***Picture of nail scissors***
There are other nail tools available and you can do a search on Amazon to find the one that is right for you. You can give them a nail file to practice on their own fingers, and even though they won’t actually get anything trimmed, they are developing independence and confidence that will help them learn how to take care of their bodies.
Remember to keep breathing, repeat the steps if your child starts to get elevated, and most importantly provide a safe place within the relationship so your child can learn these important life skills.
