The Color Spectrum of Emotions
Our brains are complicated organs that regulate every part of our functioning. From thinking, creating and solving problems, to running for our lives when we are being chased. All of our behaviors are controlled by our three brain states, rational, emotional, and survival. When people act crazy, or your toddler keeps spinning around in circles, it is simply a result of what brain state they are currently in.
By thinking of our brain states as an emotional color spectrum, we are better able to understand what is happening in the brains of ourselves and our loved ones, based on their actions. This will give us more opportunities to resolve conflicts, which leads us to deeper and more meaningful connections.
Once you understand how a child’s emotional states work based on their brain states, you can be better equipped to handle difficult situations with your children without escalating to a fight or resorting to punitive punishments. It might seem impossible, but this information will remove the need for time outs, rewards, sticker charts, taking away privileges, and grounding. Children will start behaving, stress will decrease, and can spend more time enjoying moments with your family. You can apply this information to any age child as well as teenagers, adults, yourself, and your spouse.
The Three Brain States
Your brain is a complicated organ that can be broken down into 3 states of functioning: rational, emotional, and survival. All three brain states have a purpose, and all work together to keep you safe.
Your frontal lobe, or the prefrontal cortex, is where complex thought arises, and this is the part of your brain that is active when you are in your rational state. When you are in this state, most likely while you are reading this post, you are able to learn and think, and be rational and reasonable. This is color coded Green
Your emotional state comes from your limbic system, which includes the hippocampus and the amygdala. This state becomes active when stress starts to increase and your ability to think rationally becomes a bit cloudy. You still have control over yourself, but you might be quick to anger and have a hard time getting out of your bad mood. It's the feeling you get when you wake up on the wrong side of the bed. The emotions that arise from this state help guide you through situations and let you know if something is wrong. This state is color coded Yellow.
Finally, the most primitive part of your brain, the brain stem, is where your survival state comes from, and this is color coded Red. This becomes active when you are just trying to survive and you have lost the ability to think rationally. The “fight or flight response” takes over and your sympathetic nervous system has kicked on in order to keep you safe. Your entire body responds. Your stomach and intestines route blood flow to your arms and legs, you are pumped full of adrenaline so you have extra energy to get yourself out of danger. The options your brain has include fighting, running, freezing, or shutting down. Your brain will choose how to handle the situation depending on what is happening, you don’t have much control.
The Color Spectrum of Emotions
Putting these states of mind into a simple color code will help you understand how they all work together to keep you safe. The emotions you are feeling and behaviors you are doing are indications of what state your brain is in.
Green is when the higher centers of your brain are working and you are in a rational state of mind.
Nothing is bothering you, stress is low, and you feel pretty good. You might be feeling happy, peaceful, silly, neutral, calm, or excited. Singing, laughing, dancing, research, creativity, concentration, and having fun are behaviors that show you are in green.
A toddler would express this brain state by playing, laughing, singing, experimenting, and doing all the weird things that toddlers like to do.
Yellow is when your emotional state is active.
When you are in yellow, you might feel on edge, agitated, annoyed, or frustrated. Things are bothering you and you feel not quite right. Typically, reasons to feel yellow include being hungry, tired, frazzled, or thrown off by something out of your control. A toddler would express this by being cranky, irritable, extra clingy, whiny, and fussy.
Behaviors you perform while in yellow are usually self coping mechanisms to help you get back to green. Whether they are healthy or maladaptive, your brain knows it is not in green, and you automatically crave doing things that help get you out of yellow. Things like overeating, retail therapy, exercise, biting your nails, nervous tics, and craving other substances are all warning signals that something isn’t right. Additionally, you might be snippy with your partner, overly talkative or not in the mood to talk, critical, negative, or judgmental. Yellow is a warning sign, and if you pay attention you have the chance to get to green. If you aren’t paying attention, yellow can quickly escalate to red, and that is where lashing out happens.
Red is when your primal parts of your brain become active and you are in your survival state.
When you are in Red, you will instinctively fight back or run, there is little ability to control your response. Anger, rage, lashing out, hiding, and yelling are all signs that your brain is in survival. Your brain is trying to protect you from whatever threat is happening. The threat could be something physical, like a car swerving towards you, or emotional like a co-worker criticizing you. Our brain’s main goal is to keep us physically, mentally, and emotionally safe, and it will go into survival mode if any of these things are threatened if we don’t have coping mechanisms in place. When you are in red, you might run away from something, or fight back, say hurtful things that you regret saying, or lash out at someone who doesn’t deserve it.
In a toddler, you could see temper tantrums, screaming, hitting, biting, running away, curling up into a ball when you try to pick them up, kicking, and basically acting like their lives are in danger.
Connecting the Colors
Adults who are able to self-regulate are less likely to resort to maladaptive coping mechanisms, like addictions and abusive behaviors, and are less likely to be highly emotional or difficult to deal with. They are more likely to get back to green on their own without needing external stimulation, like alcohol or drugs.
Yellow is a warning sign that something is wrong. If you can identify when you are in yellow, then you have the opportunity to correct and get back to green. Getting angry is a choice, and it is up to you to get off the highway but only if you see the exits.
Emotional Regulation in Children
Children’s brains are developing, and part of that development is strengthening the connection between each of the states of mind. It’s like a muscle. If you keep using the muscle over and over, you get stronger.
By teaching a child how to get back to green over and over, you strengthen their ability to self-regulate.
When a toddler is stuck in yellow, it is really easy for them to go back and forth from green to red. If things are going their way they can go back to green and play. When things stop going their way, it often escalates them into red, and this is where the dreaded ***temper tantrum*** happens.
If you are able to identify when your child is in yellow, you can be better prepared if something sends them to red. Then, you will be able to help them get back to green without bribes, punishments, or rewards using the simple 4 Step Process.
How to Get Your Child Back to Green
In order to bring yourself or your child back down to green just follow this simple 4 step process:
Identify what the are feeling
Validate and name the emotion
Deep breathe and relax
Problem solve and learn a new skill
